There are plenty of sources to tell you that you’re not perfect. That you should have a cleaner home, spend more time with your kids, lean in at work… There is always more that you should be doing. You’re always last on the list. You wake up early and go to bed late. You’re the one that hears the cries in the middle of the night.
It seems like there is never a break for mom. You work hard all day and night. Whether you stay at home or work you’re balancing a long list of unreasonable expectations. You carry the guilt of those expectations. You are overwhelmed, stressed, and maybe even lost. You are a mother first and a person last. Do you no longer exist outside of motherhood?
I will never understand this cult of martyrdom. You are a person, you have value, you are more than just a mother. It is not selfish to take care of yourself, in fact it will help you in every facet of your life. The chores will keep, the kids are loved, you can sleep. We propagate these rules for perfection and attack every woman for any decision she makes.
No matter how hard you work you’re wrong because you should be with your children. If you stay home with your children you’re a worthless bon bon eater that is just relaxing all day. Not one of those stereotypes or expectations are true or realistic. What you feed your kids, what you let them play with, how quickly they learn are all up for competition and debate.
It takes a village to raise a child. We no longer band together as women and mothers. We do not stand for ourselves. Instead we allow ourselves to bicker and fight over every decision. If there is no one there ready to attack, you allow yourself an unnecessary amount of guilt over your imperfections.
Just Stop! Take it from a perfectionist, no one is perfect. If you love your children, try your best, there is no reason to fight. Let go of the people in your life that are ready to attack. Hold on to the women in your life that inspire and encourage you. Make friends with others that understand your struggles and don’t add to them.
Get out of the house. Make time for you. Exercise early and have some wine at night. Try and find some balance. You are valuable. You are a person. You are also a mother. Before you get lost in the holidays and the stress of even more tasks, find some time for you. Take November to find your balance. Join this perfectionist in learning to live with imperfection.